found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
