So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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