ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
