good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
