Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
