; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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