so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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