If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
