I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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