it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
