I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
