I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
