There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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