Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
