I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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