Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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