Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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