he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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