did you get engaged???
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
