you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
