I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
