the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
