She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
