i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
