He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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