I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize