Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
