do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
