I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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