i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
