the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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