I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
