you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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