I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
being pregnant is like rehab
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
