Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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