im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
