What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
