exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
