And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
