saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
