first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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