She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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