You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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