i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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