i don't like sucking hair
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So apparently I’m into choking now
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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