Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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