'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
