she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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