I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
