you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
this is an emotional support booty call
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
