need another drink. this is the easiest way
you traded sex for a burrito?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
